by Curt Kovener
Some more wisdom, observations and logic gained from being around this world for over 70 years…
•Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
•Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “Doctor”.
•I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
•Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
•Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
•A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
•You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
•Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
•Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
•I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
•There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
•I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lime, and a shot of tequila.
•When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
•You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
•To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
•Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
•The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas.