by Curt Kovener
To paraphrase GOT’s Tyrion Lannister, ” I read and I know things.” In my reading I have been accumulating some brilliantly dimwitted sayings and it is time to pass them along.
•When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
•A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
•The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
•The batteries were given out free of charge.
•A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
•A will is a dead giveaway.
•If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
•With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
•Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
•You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
•Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
•A boiled egg is hard to beat.
•When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
•Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
•Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
•To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
•If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
•A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
•In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
•When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
•The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
•He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
•Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
•When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
•Acupuncture: a jab well done.
•Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
•Every calendar’s days are numbered.
•I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
•He wears glasses during math because it improves division.
•Those who jump off a river bridge in Paris are in Seine.
•There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
•The person who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
•Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
•There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
•He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
•It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
•Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board.
•A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining.
•A pet store had a bird contest with no perches necessary.
•A backwards poet writes inverse.
•If a lawyer can be disbarred can a musician be denoted or a model deposed?
•When chemists die, we barium.
• When the wheel was invented, it caused a revolution.
• A tattoo artist has designs on his clients.
•What you seize is what you get.
•Looting a drugstore is called Pillaging.
•Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
•A music store had a small sign on the door which read: Bach in a Minuet.
•Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.
•A ditch digger was entrenched in his career.
•A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.