by Curt Kovener
This is another encore column from the Curt Comments archives.
We make our share of boo-boos in the newspaper industry. Actually, at the Crothersville Times we are above average in the boo-boo department.
But unlike other businesses, government or education, when we err it is done in a public forum for everyone to see. No executive sessions, no cover-ups, no privileged information. We err for all to see. Our misteaks…errr…mistakes have no way of being covered up, sugar coated, or downplayed like in other sectors.
Mrs. Lewis, my high school English teacher, probably just looks down from above rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “I tried my best to teach him better,” she might be saying.
But there are other forums where grammar, dangling modifiers, and misplaced participles (or is it misplaced modifier and dangling participle?) occasionally crop up. Church bulletins are another source for well-meaning, unintentional gaffs.
I want to be very clear, none of these ‘oopsies’ came from any of our local churches. As far as I can tell, like a literary guardian angel Mrs. Lewis looks over the shoulder of all of the area’s church bulletin preparers as local bulletins always have correct spelling, grammar and punctuation.
These are offered as evidence that God does have a sense of humor.
•Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.
•While the Pastor is on vacation, massages can be given to the church secretary.
•The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of all kinds and they may be seen in the church basement every Friday.
•A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of the members in honor of his wife.
•Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance of the church.
•The choir invites any member who enjoys it to join the choir in sinning on Sunday.
•Irving Bettson and Jessie Smith were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
•The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S.
•At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
•The church’s new tithing campaign has a new slogan: “I upped my pledge—Now Up Yours.”
