by Curt Kovener 
As my week was filled with training, seminars, wilderness projects and other moving experiences, let’s replay an archived column from some time back. And I bet you chuckle just as much now as well.
•Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
•Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
•Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
•How is it possible to have a civil war?
•If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
•If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
•If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
•If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
•If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
•If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
•If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
•Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
•Where are we going? And what’s with this handbasket?
•Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
•If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?
•The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
•I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the
self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the
purpose.
•If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
•Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
It’s a good thing that we aren’t awake and aware during surgery. If we were here are some things we wouldn’t want to here:
•Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
•Someone call the janitor—we’re going to need a mop.
•Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!!
•Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what’s that?
•Hand me that…uh…that uh…thingie.
•Oops. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
•Everybody stand back—I lost my contact lens.
•Could you stop that machine from beeping; it’s throwing my concentration off.
•I hate it when they’re missing stuff in here.
•That’s cool! Now, can you make his leg twitch?!
•Sterile, schmerile. The floor’s clean, right?
•This patient has already had some kids—right?
