by Curt Kovener’s Mom
This week’s offering is “Mom Approved”. Or, I guess it is, she sent these to me.
•The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.
•My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
•My 70 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 200 lbs I’ve gained since then.
•I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, ” Here, fill this out?”
•The speed with which a woman says “nothing”, when asked “What’s wrong?”, is inversely proportional to the severity of the crap storm that’s coming.
•The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m going to be sure I pick up a prescription on my actual birthday. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
•I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor”.
•I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
•What is it about a car that makes people think that we can’t see them pick their noses?
•Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
•The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet is because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course, Opie— all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk
•Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
•And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then He made the earth round… and laughed and laughed and laughed.
•I’m suspicious of people who don’t like dogs. But I trust a dog when he doesn’t like a person.
•You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.
•Show respect even to people who don’t deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.