by Curt Kovener
“First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” ~Leo Rosenberg
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” ~Kitty O’Neill Collins
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” ~Robert Orben
“It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.” ~Unknown
“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” ~Ann Landers
“When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile.” ~George Burns
“The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget.” ~Unknown
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” ~Andy Rooney
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” ~Lee Trevino
“You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.” ~John Mendoza
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.” ~George Carlin
“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” ~Bob Hope
“I don’t do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast.” ~Anonymous
“I’m getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth.” ~Conan O’Brien
“Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does.” ~J. Norman Collie
“You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.” ~Hy Gardner
“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.” ~Mark Twain
“You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.” ~Joel Plaskett
“There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure.” Dennis Wolfberg
“The idea is to die young as late as possible.” ~Ashley Montagu
“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” ~George Burns
“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” ~Anonymous