by Curt Kovener
•My goal for 2016 is to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.
•I ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Well, it was really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese.
•How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill some meat.
•Sunday, March 13, 2016, began Daylight Savings Time. Did you forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds?
•I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
•I don’t mean to brag but… I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
•A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
•Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
•Remember back when we were kids and every time it was 10 degrees out they closed school? Me neither.
•I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented… I forgot where I was going with this.
•I love being over 64. I learn something new every day… and forget 5 others.
•A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.
•My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like: I KNOW, right?
•I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
•Senility has been a smooth transition for me.