by Curt Kovener 
Typos, dangling participles and well-intentioned but twisted phrases are not found just in this (and a bunch of other) newspapers. My high school English teacher is still posthumously sighing and rolling her eyes at the faux pas found on these pages.
But some of the more humorous-albeit well intentioned- grammar goofs can be found in church bulletins and announcements.
This week you can thank my mother who sent this to me who got this from her cousin who got it from her cousin who got it from a friend of the family, who…well, you can figure out this isn’t original to me.
Whether you regularly worship or not, you will find some chuckles from these church messages.
•The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
•The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
•Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
•Don’t let worry kill you off- let the Church help.
•Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
•Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
•At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
•Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
•The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. (Now that is a troublingly true statement.)
•Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m.- prayer and medication to follow.
•The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
•This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin
•Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. (and perhaps another painfully true statement).
•The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
•Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
•Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
•The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new fundraising campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge- Up Yours .”
