by Curt Kovener
To bring our muddled brain fade back into focus here are some more Thoughts to Ponder:
•I thought my boss was a jerk, so I quit my job and went to work for myself. My new boss is a jerk, too…but at least I respect him.
•If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
•If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
•Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
•What’s another word for synonym?
•Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice” but when they bill you it is for “professional services”?
•When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
•When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
•Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
•Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
•Why do they report power outages on TV?
•What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
•Is it possible to be totally partial? As evidenced by congress, yes it is.
•If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
•Would a fly that loses it wings be called a walk?
•Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
•If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
•If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
•If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
•Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
•Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
•If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
•Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
From the comments we receive, many readers enjoy these funny ha-ha columns more than the ones I pour over trying to make serious thought provoking reading.
One of the things that made Elvis Presley successful was that he, in his own words “gave’em what they wanted and left ‘em wantin’ more”.
Mayhaps we follow the King’s philosophy. Thankyew, thankyewvurymuch.
