by Curt Kovener
You are reading a newspaper that is in the vast minority: a locally owned, individually operated news publication. Most print media are owned by chains or corporations. Often corporations have policies that sound good on paper but in practicality are pretty useless.
For instance, one newspaper chain has as a part of its safety policy that employees are not allowed to use their cell phone while driving. They must pull over to the side of the road and stop to take a call. Not a very practical thing to do and when you do, your editor will let you know that when he/she calls you are to pick up immediately.
But regardless of the inane policies, the thing both locally and corporate owned newspapers have in common is the ability to write a headline that is true but after it gets in print everyone wonders “What were they thinking?”
So, poking fun at our own mistakes, here are some printed headlines for your enjoyment:
- Barbershop Singers Bring Joy To School For The Deaf
- Physician Shortage Prompts Hospitals To Hire Doctors
- Man With 8 DWIs Blames Drinking Problem
- New Sick Policy Requires 2-Day Advance Notice
- Parents Keep Kids Home To Protest School Closure
- Starvation Can Lead To Health Hazards
- The Bra Celebrates A Pair Of Historic Milestones This Year
- Total Lunar Eclipse Will Be Broadcast Live On Public Radio
- 4 Out Of 3 People Struggle With Math
- Statistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25.
- Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons
- Marijuana Issue Sent To A Joint Committee
- Homicide Victims Rarely Talk To Police
- City Unsure Why Sewer Smells
- Bridges Help People Cross Rivers
- 17 Remain Dead In Morgue Shooting Spree
- Study Shows Frequent Sex Enhances Chance Of Pregnancy
- Man Accused Of Killing Lawyer Receives New Attorney
- Miracle Cure Kills Fifth Patient
- Princess Diana Was Still Alive Hours before She Died
- Police Arrest Naked Man With Concealed Weapon
- Real Estate Market Slowdown Continues To Accelerate
- Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered In Secondhand Shop
- Suspected Beer thief Leaves Liquid Trail
- Spay/Neuter Clinic For Low Income Residents
- Police Charge One-Armed Man With Armed Robbery
- Caskets Found As Workers Demolish Mausoleum
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
- Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
- State Population Increase Linked to Babies
- Air Traffic Controllers Can Apply for Job In Braille