by Curt Kovener
(This is an encore column from the Curt Comments archives.)
Sometimes in doing some research for column topics I end up going down a rabbit hole and coming up with a wide and sometimes wild variety of column fodder. Consider, if you will. this offering of life’s truths.
• Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.
• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
• One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
• To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
• Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
• The older I get, the better I was.
• I doubt, therefore I might be.
• Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
• Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
• Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
• Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day, drink beer, and tell lies.
• A fool and his money are soon partying.
• Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• I drive way too fast to worry about my cholesterol.
• I intend to live forever; So far, so good.
• I love defenseless animals; especially in a good stew.
• Support bacteria! It’s the only culture some people have.
• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
• When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.