by Curt Kovener 
Those of us born in the middle of that last millennium, who can remember Mickey Mouse Club in black & white after the TV warmed up, practiced cowering under our school desks in case of a nearby nuclear attack (like hunkering under a wooden school desk would do any good), enjoyed our chocolate milk at school from a half pint bottle not a pasteboard carton, and who are now folliclely challenged and select our travel itinerary based on the close proximity of restrooms, there are other challenges facing us.
And if you think none of these apply to you, give it time. It will.
•It’s harder to tell navy from black.
•Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you’re too old to wear it the second time around.
•Your kids are becoming you…and you don’t like them…but your grandchildren are perfect.
•Yellow becomes the big color…walls…hair…teeth.
•Going out is good. Coming home is better.
•When people say you look “Great”…they add “for your age”.
•You forget names…but it’s OK because other people forget they know you.
•The last 2 outfits you wore had spots on them.
•You ask your spouse how your outfit looks and they tell you the truth.
•The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
•Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don’t remember.
•The things you cared to do, you don’t care to do, but you care that you don’t care to do them anymore.
•Your spouse sleeps better on a recliner or sofa with the TV blaring then he/she does in bed. It’s called “pre-sleep”.
•Remember when your mother said “Wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident”? Now you bring clean underwear in case you have an accident.
•You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch. When Google, iPod, email, and modem were unheard of and a mouse was something to eradicate.
•You use more 4 letter words…“what?”…“when?”
•Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.
•You have a night out with the guys but you’re home by 9 p.m.
•You’re 100 pages into a book before you realize you’ve read it.
•Most of the people in People Magazine you’ve never heard of.
•What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
•Everybody whispers.
•If your spouse has retired…you’d give anything if they’d find a job.
•You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet…2 of which you will never wear.
•But old is good in some things…old songs…old movies…Old Friends.
