by Curt Kovener
(This is an encore column from the Curt Comments archives.)
Newspapers are rather unique since when we make misteaks…er, mistakes, they remain on the printed page to be recalled and entered into evidence of our blunder for sometimes years to come.
But often in life the most fun we have is when we poke fun at ourselves.
Thanks to a a good friend(?), here are some goofs, boo-boos, and “Why don’t they proof read? errors found in some newspaper ads.
• Illiterate? Write today for free help.
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere else again.
• Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included.
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
• Semi-annual After-Christmas sale.
• 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
• Dinner special – Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
• For sale: Three canaries of undermined sex.
• Great dames for sale.
• Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
• Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
• Vacation special: have your home exterminated.
• Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
• For rent: 6-room hated apartment.
• Work Wanted: Honest man; will take anything.
• We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for just $1.
• Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.
• Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard to find person.
• Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
• Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
• Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
• Wanted: Widower with school age children requires person assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
• New Superstore Open For Business—unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.