by Curt Kovener 
I don’t expect anyone born after 1970 to understand this column. You had to grow up in the 50’s & 60’s to hear this from your parents. Thanks to a friend (whose date of birth is suspect) who sent these to me.
•Be sure to refill the ice trays, and don’t spill them putting them in the freezer.
•Quit slamming the screen door when you go out!
•Be sure and put the windows down when you leave, it looks like rain.
•Don’t forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.
•Wash your feet before you go to bed, you’ve been playing outside all day barefooted.
•Why can’ t you remember to roll up your pants legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.
•You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.
•Don’t you go outside to play with your school clothes on!
•Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won’t have to pay a deposit on another one.
•Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall!
•Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him.
•You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it.
•There’s a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.
•Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot.
•You can walk to the store; it won’t hurt you to get some exercise.
•Don’t sit too close to the TV. It is hard on your eyes.
•If you pull that stunt again, I am going to wear you out!
•Don’t lose that button; I’ll sew it back on after while.
•Wash your neck before you come to the table, you could plant potatoes there its so dirty.
•Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!
•No! I don’t have 10 cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?
•Eat those turnips, they’ll make you big and strong like your daddy.
•That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don’t care how cold it is out there, dogs don’t stay in the house.
•Sit still! I’m trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all messed up.
•Hush your mouth! I don’t want to hear words like that! I’ll wash your mouth out with soap!
•If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you’ll get another one when you get home.
•Quit crossing your eyes or they’ll get stuck that way!
•It’s ‘Yes Ma’am!’ and ‘No Ma’am!’ to me, young man, and don’t you forget it!
