by Curt Kovener
Puns, fun with words & word definitions, and sometimes seemingly twisted English language logic have long amused and interested me. Here are some thoughts for your contemplation and amusement.
•If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
•If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
•Why is it that when we bounce a check, the bank charges us more of what they already know we don’t have any of?
•When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
•If the purpose of investing is to increase your wealth, why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
•Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
•When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
•If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip’s Screwdriver?
•Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a project, I end it?
•Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
•Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
•Why don’t tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?
•Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
•If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
•99, 88, 77, 66, 55, 44, 33, 22. Then why isn’t 11 pronounced onety-one?
•“I am.” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I Do.” is the longest sentence?
•Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
•Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it’s much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?
•If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?
•If toast always lands butter side down and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped them?