Wisdom of One-Liners

by Curt Kovener

This is an encore column from the Curt Comments archives.
•Conscience is what huts when everything else feels good.
•Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
•Stupidity got us into this mess—what can’t it get us out?
•Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
•Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
•Legislators and diapers have one thing in common. They should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
•An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that is true.
•There is always death and taxes; however death doesn’t get worse every year.
•People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
•I don’t mind going anywhere as long as it’s an interesting path.
•Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
•Sometimes it hurts to be on the cutting edge.
•If it ain’t broke, fix it until it is.
•I don’t get even, I get odder.
•I always wanted to be a procrastinator; I just never got around to it.
•I am not obese; I am a nutritional overachiever.
•My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
•I am having an out-of-money experience.
•I am in shape. Round is a shape.
•If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
•I am not a perfectionist. My parents were, though.
•You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
•Another of life’s mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make you gain five pounds.
•The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
•Time may be a great healer, but it’ a lousy beautician.
•Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. For some people, sometimes age comes alone.
•Life not only begins at 40, it begins to show.
And perhaps the whole purpose of this week’s column…
•You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stopped laughing.