Who Are You Callin’ Fat?

Charley Labby Charley Kovener

Curt, my human, read me a news release he got from a veterinary group, that got my dander up. And he says I got plenty of dander along with fly away hair, drooling and flatulance.Hrumppp!!!
It seems these veterinarians are warning human pet owners that nationwide 52.6% of dogs and 57.6% of cats are overweight.
I think he read it to me to get me to exercise more. But what is more lovable than a couch potato flabby labby? Unless it is a flabby tabby.
According to these veterinarians, in addition to a decreased life-expectancy, animals that are overweight are at risk for cranial cruciate ligament injury, heart and respiratory disease, insulin resistance and type-2 diabetes, as well as osteoarthritis.
We, let me say, so are a bunch of humans. And what about pot-bellied pigs? They’re pets too, but who thinks a buff flat bellied pig is cute? Well, OK, a family farmer managing a corporate CAFO.
The veterinarians say “Controlling the amount of food your pet receives, ensuring your pet gets plenty of exercise are the best ways to ensure a pet stays in shape.” Then they cruelly add “and eliminating table scraps.”
Now wait just a dog gone minute. My human often calls me “Pre-Rinse” because when I am done with his plates and bowls there is less to wash. And I’ll have you know it is serious exercise trying to lick the stripes and designs off those bowls and plates.
If you humans want to exercise your dog, take us for a walk on leash. But be prepared for some stop and go travel because you just can’t believe all of the wonderfully interesting smells that are found in a walk just around the block.
Maybe you could get your dog an exercise cat. An overweight fat cat would be better. That way your dog can chase your cat and they both get exercise. When the cat climbs a tree, your dog will eventually learn that the exercise session is over.
After some stimulating exercise we all like a dog treat or two to re-new our energy and kick back on the couch to rest.
Curt, my human tells me I am not as fast or durable as I used to be. Well I say, “Look who’s talkin’!”
He needs to understand that in dog years I am now older than he is and a member of AARP (American Association of Retired Pooches). Me and my gray muzzle friends may organize a poop-in on his front yard to demand we get the respect that’s due us and all senior citizens.