There are some of us who thought the hardest part of Charles A. Bard’s high school physics class was the constant conversion from metric to English units.
For the Gen-Xers and Millenials and other youngsters who do not know local school history, Charles A. Bard was a classic long time math teacher at CHS. You are at a loss for being born too late. But you should take that up with your parents.
Here are some not-so-useful Hoosier Humor System Conversions that would have caused even Mr. Bard to smile.
•Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi.
•2,000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton.
•1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope.
•Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond.
•Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram.
•Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong.
•365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling: 1 lite year.
•16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling.
•Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon.
•1,000 aches: 1 megahurtz.
•Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower.
•453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake.
•1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone.
•1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles.
•2,000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds (It’s not math, it’s a literature joke.)
•10 cards: 1 decacards
•1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
•1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
•1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
•10 rations: 1 decoration
•100 rations: 1 C-ration
•8 nickels: 2 paradigms
•2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
•Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line (think about it for a moment)
And the one that is unfortunately too #$%^& true:
•100 Senators: Not 1 decision