There are some of us who thought the hardest part of Charles A. Bard’s high school physics class was the constant conversion from metric to English units.

For the Gen-Xers and Millenials and other youngsters who do not know local school history, Charles A. Bard was a classic long time math teacher at CHS. You are at a loss for being born too late. But you should take that up with your parents.

Here are some not-so-useful Hoosier Humor System Conversions that would have caused even Mr. Bard to smile.

•Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi.

•2,000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton.

•1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope.

•Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond.

•Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram.

•Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong.

•365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling: 1 lite year.

•16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling.

•Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon.

•1,000 aches: 1 megahurtz.

•Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower.

•453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake.

•1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone.

•1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles.

•2,000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds (It’s not math, it’s a literature joke.)

•10 cards: 1 decacards

•1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

•1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

•1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

•10 rations: 1 decoration

•100 rations: 1 C-ration

•8 nickels: 2 paradigms

•2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

•Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line (think about it for a moment)

And the one that is unfortunately too #$%^& true:

•100 Senators: Not 1 decision