by Curt Kovener
For those of you who have eclipsed the Ides of your century (for thosee challenged by history and literature, that’s over age 50) remember, getting older is better than the alternative.
It will be some time before I am four score and seven years as my mother is, but here are some things I have discovered along my half-life so far:
• I started out with nothing and still have most of it.
•My wild oats have turned to All Bran.
•Now that I have finally gotten my head together, my body is falling apart.
•All reports are now in: Life is unfair.
•If all is not lost, where is it?
•It is easier to get older than to get wiser.
•Some days you’re the dog and some days you’re the fire hydrant.
•I wished the buck stopped her…I could use a few.
•Kids in the back seat can cause accidents and accidents in the back seat can cause kids.
•The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you are in the bathroom.
•When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play checkers?
•It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.
•The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
•God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.