Some Signs I’d Like To See

by Curt Kovener Curt line

Those of you who call the newspaper and leave a message with our electronic secretary or mayhaps you see some of our ads in school programs know that we promote ourselves as “The Best Little Paper In Town.”
Some years back when we also owned the local dry cleaning service, we used to advertise “You can drop your pants here.”
Which got me to thinking about some other sign & slogan possibilities for area businesses.
Lee’s Tire & 4×4 could claim their customers came to them “To be retired”.
Maybe Dorsey’s Auto Body Shop should ask: “May we have the next dents?”
How about on S&L Electric’s trucks: “Let us remove your shorts.”
At Howard’s Auto repair where they fix and replace mufflers & exhaust pipes: “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”
Jackson County REMC perhaps should say: “We would be delighted if you pay your electric bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”
On the maternity room door at Schneck Medical Center: “Push, Push, Push.”
Maybe in the front yard of Adams Funeral Home: “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.”
Or how about outside Maxie’s Garage where you can get a radiator repaired: “Best place in town to take a leak.”
Maybe a sign at the local Subway’s window should read: “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.”
The Peoples Bank is known for some pretty good rates for auto loans. Perhaps their time & temperature sign could read: “The best way to get back on your feet—miss a car payment.”
Maybe found in the Brownstown Animal Hospital’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
Crothersville School is a non-smoking area. So maybe they ought to have posted: “If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
Peggy Adams is the choral music teacher at school and there are probably times a sign on her door could read: “Out Chopin.”
On the side of Rumpke’s garbage trucks they could claim: “We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.”
What we really need is an optometrist in town so the eye Doc’s sign could read: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”