Some Signs I’d Like to See

Curt-lineby Curt Kovener

Way…way back in the day the Five Man Electrical Band did a song with the hook line “Signs, signs everywhere a sign.”

Those of you who call the newspaper and leave a message with our electronic secretary know that we promote ourselves as “The Best Little Newspaper In Town.”

But maybe there are other catchy signs/slogans that area businesses could use.

Some years back the local dry cleaning service used to advertise “You can drop your pants here.”

Maybe Lee’s Tire & 4×4 could claim their customers come to them “To be retired”.

Maybe Dorsey’s Auto Body Shop should ask: “May we have the next dents?”

How about on an electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

At Howard’s Auto repair where they fix and replace mufflers & exhaust pipes: “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”

Duke Energy or Jackson County REMC perhaps should say: “We would be delighted if you  pay your electric bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”

At noontime on the door of Redneck Computers, the local computer store might be found: “Out for a quick byte.”

On the maternity room door at Schneck Medical Center: “Push, Push, Push.”

Maybe as you exit the parking lot of Adams Funeral Home: “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.”

Or how about outside where you can get your vehicle’s radiator repaired: “Best place in town to take a leak.”

Maybe a sign at Lucille’s Restaurant window should read: “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.”

The Peoples Bank is known for some pretty good rates for auto loans. Perhaps their time & temperature sign could read: “The best way to get back on your feet—miss a car payment.”

Maybe found in the Brownstown Veterinary Clinic waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

Crothersville Schools is a non-smoking area. So maybe they ought to have posted: “If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

On the side of Rumpke’s garbage trucks they could claim: “We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.”

What we really need is an optometrist in town so the eye Doc’s sign could read: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”