Quippy, Lippy Purloined One Liners

by Curt Kovener

For many people, they say the wheel was the greatest invention. I disagree. For me, copy and paste is the greatest invention.
Without it, I could not borrow these signboard messages from across the U.S. to share with you.
•Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners…but catscan.
•Mountains aren’t just funny…they’re hill areas.
•Becoming vegan would be a big missed steak.
•Well, to be Frank…I’d have to change my name.
•Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
•Life is short. If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me. I will.
•Electricians have to strip to make ends meet.
•For chemists, alcohol is not a problem. It’s a solution.
•My mood ring is missing and I don’t know how I feel about that.
•I scream, you scream, the police come…It’s awkward.
•I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
•Cows stumble into a marijuana field. The steaks have never been higher.
•The same cows later returned to the marijuana field. Police said it was a case of the pot calling the cattle back.
•Crushing pop cans is soda depressing.
•We are in search of fresh vegetable puns…lettuce know.
•Here’s a big shout out to my fingers. I can always count on them.
•Irony: the opposite of wrinkly.
•I tried to grab the fog. I mist.
•If you suck at playing a trumpet…that’s probably why.
•When you’re down by the sea, and an eel bites your knee; that’s a Moray.
And the one I find particularly funny:
•Ban shredded cheese…that will truly Make America Grate Again.