Pithy Truths & Observations

by Curt Kovener

I am not precisely sure of our relationship. Bill is the son of one of my mother’s cousins. So whether we are second or third cousins once or twice removed I am not sure. I just call him Cussin’ Bill, which he doesn’t do but it is just fun to say.
So Cussin’ Bill forwarded these aphroisms. We all use them even though we did not know what they were called.
The following are statements of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner. These pithy observations containing a grain of truth should bring a smile to our countenance.
•I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
•Isn’t it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
•Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
•My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
•Money talks. All mine says is good-bye.
•I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.
•You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
•If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
•I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a t-shirt and say, “Here, fill this out?
•Isn’t it ironic that there is a mature women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”
•The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
•Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
•Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age regret.
•The simplest questions are the hardest to answer.
•Even a proverb is no proverb until your life has illustrated it.
•’Tis education forms the common mind; just as the twig is bent, the tree’s inclined.
•The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.