by Curt Kovener 
I hung out with some elderly newspaper folks a few weekends back. I thought we were all elderly crusty curmudgeons until I realized I was about the oldest in the crowd. Which then allowed me to offer the youngsters some of my well seasoned life advice.
•If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
•A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is known best for its blubber.
•A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 5 years. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 200 years. And my doctor tells me to exercise? I don’t think so. From here on out, it is the tortoise life for me.
•I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
•My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
•I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
•Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
•Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
•It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
•Some days, you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
•Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat causes kids.
• When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
•It’s not hard to meet expenses-they’re everywhere.
•The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded. Did I write this column before?
•God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
