Not Yet Springtime Thoughts

by Curt Kovener   

I sprang my clocks forward Saturday night in anticipation of the daylight savings time change. But on Sunday my mind and body refused to spring. They said it was still winter and that they weren’t springing forward until next Wednesday when the Vernal Equinox occurs and Spring really begins.

And I observed we didn’t really save any daylight, we just shifted it from the morning to the evening. So why isn’t it called Daylight Shifting Time?

And perhaps that is a segue into other pragmatic thoughts:

•Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle.

•If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.

•Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

•Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

Growing up we were always told going to jail is a bad thing. Maybe…maybe not

•In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an 8′ X 10′ cell. At work, you spend most of your time in a 6′ X 8′ cubicle.

•In prison, you get three meals a day. At work, you get 30 minutes for a meal you buy or bring yourself.

•In prison, you get time off for good behavior. At work, good behavior is rewarded with more work.

•In prison, all expenses are paid by taxpayers. At work, you are the taxpayer.

•In prison, everyone knows when you drop the soap. At work, everyone knows when you drop the ball.

•In prison, you spend most of your time waiting to get out from behind bars. At work, you spend most of your time waiting to go into the bars.

•In prison, there are sadistic wardens. At work, there are managers.

•In prison, you can get shivved. At work, you get shafted.