Not So Deep Thoughts

Curt-lineby Curt Kovener

In clearing out the electronic in-box and trash can, I decided to do some recycling. So here are some not-so-thought provoking offerings. If anyone finds some of these offensive…maybe you need a sense of humor.

  • I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
  • I had amnesia once —or twice.
  • I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. Now what?
  • Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
  • All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
  • If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
  • What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
  • They told me I was gullible… and I believed them.
  • Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
  • Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • Where do forest rangers go to ‘get away from it all’?
  • The speed of time is one second per second.
  • Is it possible to be totally partial?
  • What’s another word for thesaurus?
  • Is Karl Marx’s tomb a communist plot?
  • If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
  • Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
  • It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
  • Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
  • Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
  • When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
  • A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
  • What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
  • My weight is perfect for my height —which varies.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  • The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
  • How can there be self-help “groups”?
  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
  • Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
  • Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
  • If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?