Laws The Supreme Court Can’t Overturn

by Curt Kovener        

In high school I learned in Charles A. Bard’s math classes about a number of laws of physics: the law of equal and opposite reaction, the law of gravity, about inertia (those things that are in motion want to stay in motion and those things that are not in motion want to remain that way) and how the effect of friction applies to the laws of inertia.

But the laws that are more applicable…no not traffic laws, tax laws, and criminal laws…but those more along the lines of Murphy’s Law. Those laws learned by practical application of hands-on learning I discovered at Hard Knocks University, from which I have a PhD.

My distant cussin’, I mean, Cousin Bill has developed additional lessons learned from HKU.

•Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.

•Law of Gravity- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

•Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

•Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

•Variation Law- If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

•Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

•Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine or computer won’t work, it will.

•Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to its location.

•The Coffee Law- As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

•Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

•Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

•Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

•Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking — A closed mouth gathers no feet.

•Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, or the store will stop selling it.

•Doctors’ Law- If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.