Just Punning Around

by Curt Kovener

Just when I thought I had exhausted all of the puns and wise acre word smith remarks, more came running in to the office. Perhaps you won’t mind indulging me with these witticisms.
•Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
•A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
•Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
•Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
•Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
•A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
•A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
•Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
•Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
•Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
•When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
•A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
•What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give away.)
•She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
•A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
•If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
•With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
•The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
•You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
•Every calendar’s days are numbered.
•A lot of money is tainted – Taint yours and taint mine.
•A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
•He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
•Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
•Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
•Acupuncture is a jab well done.