I Was Just Thinking…

by Curt Kovener
(This is an encore column from the Curt Comments archives.)
Some people think too much. Others only think when they have nothing else to do.
An online friend must do a little of both, I surmise, for I received the following for use when I suffer writer’s block. In other words…when I can’t think.
I was just thinking… everyone has a cellphone in their pocket, purse, or clipped to their person. People think I’m a little odd wearing my garage door opener.
I was just thinking… I have spent thousands of dollars in my life on deodorant and I realized that some people don’t like me anyway.
I was just thinking… that since we put the photos of missing children on milk cartons, women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
I was just thinking… about old age and decided it’s when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tire to bounce it.
I was just thinking… about making a fitness video for folks my age and calling it ‘Pumping Rust’.
I was just thinking… that I have that senior furniture disease—that’s when your chest falls into your drawers.
I was just thinking… that when visitors see our cat’s litter box that always say, “Oh, do you have a cat?” I have begun responding, “No, it’s for company.”
I was just thinking… about how mothers feed their babies with tiny spoons. I wondered if Chinese mothers use toothpicks for their infants.
I was just thinking… that employment applications always ask whom to notify in case of an emergency. I believe the best answer “A good doctor!”
I was just thinking… why do they put up pictures on criminals at the post office? Why don’t they put their pictures on postage stamps so mail carriers can look for them as they deliver our mail?
I was just thinking… about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older and suddenly it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their finals!