by Curt Kovener
I should be writing about the dark storm clouds over the nation and eminating from Wall Street and telling you what should have or should be done to fix their self-inflicted injuries.
I should be writing but I don’t have any idea what appropriate action or inaction should be used nor the ramifications of either taking action or doing nothing.
That puts me in direct contrast to my conservative friends who pontificate long and loud on what they are sure ought to be done.
That’s the difference between me and my conservative friends. I realize my shortcomings and mental limitations; they are unable to acknowledge their’s.
But I do know that in any bleak situation, it helps to laugh. That’s why we’re going to review aphorims.
Students in Mrs. Lewis’ high school English classes at CHS will recall that an aphorism is a short, pointed sentence expressing a wise, clever observation; a terse saying embodying a general truth.
And here are some examples:
•The nicest thing about the future is it always starts tomorrow.
•Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
•If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
•Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
•A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
•How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
•Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
•Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
•Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
•No one has more driving ambition than the boy who anxiously awaits his 16th birthday.
•There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
•There are worse things than getting a phone call that’s a wrong number at 3 a.m…it could be a right number.
•No one ever says ‘It’s only a game’ when their team’s winning.
•I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
•Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
•The trouble with bucket seats is not everybody has the same size bucket.
•Do you realize in about 30 years we’ll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be on the Golden Oldies stations!)
•Money can’t buy happiness…but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than in a Kia.
•After 70 if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.