Humor Is The Only Way To Get Through Life

by Curt Kovener

We may have to get around to changing the name of this column. But names like Comedy Central or Laugh-In are already taken.
But in light of the stock market, the economy, the lack of jobs, and diminished retirement (I envy you folks who are on fixed incomes), perhaps we need a weekly guffaw.
After scanning the Internet for something to take our minds off our problems (real, imagined and otherwise), here is an offering of life’s truths.
• Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.
• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
• One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
• To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
• Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
• I doubt, therefore I might be.
• Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
• Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
• Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
• Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day.
• A fool and his money are soon partying.
• Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
And the following have been suggested for bumper stickers:
• Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• Pardon my driving; I’m reloading.
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
• I intend to live forever: so far, so good.
• I love defenseless animals; especially in a good stew.
• Support bacteria! It’s the only culture some people have.
• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
• When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.