He Can’t Say That, Can He?

by Curt Kovener Curt line

Perhaps it is time to do some spring cleaning of the column idea drawer and share an eclectic group of wise-acre phrases, comments and matters of humor otherwise insignificant.
•I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
•Sometimes too much to drink isn’t enough.
•Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
•My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
•In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
•A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory
•The statement below is true.
•The statement above is false.
•I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
•I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
•Kentucky: Five million people, Fifteen last names.
•Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
•What if in life, The Hokey Pokey is what it’s all about?
•I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
•Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
•Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
And some thoughts on marriage:
•When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
•After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
•I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
•There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
•Two secrets to keep your marriage happy. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
•You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
•My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
•A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.