Groaners To Grow On You

by Curt Kovener
My good friend Joe and I share a kinship in writing, music and cornpone jokes & puns. They are a sign of higher intellect, expansive vocabulary, and knowledge of history and current events, according to Joe. These ‘Dad Jokes’, the kind that fathers share with their children, are all Rated G.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

  • How does Jesus make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

  • I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I can’t stop tripping.
  • A Mexican magician says that he’ll disappear on the count of three.

“Uno… dos…” POOF! He disappears without a tres.

  • What did the right eye say to the left eye?

“Between you and me, something smells.”

  • Where did Noah store his bees?

In the ark hives.

  • How does Hitler tie his shoesies?

With little knotsies!

  • My wife has an odd way of starting conversations… She always begins by saying, “Hey, are you even listening?”
  • What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

  • My friend told me this joke about a party host who made his guests line up for juice. I can’t seem to remember the entire joke, but all I know is that there was a long punch line.
  • What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey

  • How is global warming reducing terrorism?

The ISIS melting.

  • 4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed…

2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

  • What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?

Chicken sees-a-salad.

  • Did you hear that the Pope has avian flu?

He got it from one of the cardinals.

  • What do you call an intense love of math?

Calculust.

  • How does the Pope get paid?

Through PrayPal.