God Has A Sense Of Humor…I Am Living Proof

by Curt Kovener

Way too many church folks focus on the “Thou Shalt Not” parts of the Bible. So much so that their sense of humor is nearly non-existent when it comes to religion.
Fortunately, some of my Internet colleagues are not of that ilk and have sent me humorous gaffs from the religious realm.
For the “Thou Shalt Not” crowd, stop reading here. You won’t understand anything further. For the rest of us who can use a chuckle, kindly keep reading.
•Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were engraved in stone: “The Gate of Heaven.” Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: “Please use other entrance.”
•A Presbyterian pastor says that the best prayer he ever heard was: “Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am.”
•A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. “What denomination?” asked the clerk. “Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman. “Well, give me 50 Protestant and 50 Catholic ones.”
•On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer arrived at the country church. The pastor said, “Well, I guess we won’t have a service today.” The farmer replied: “Heck, if even only one cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it.” So the minister launched into a 55 minute sermon. “Well, what did you think?” he asked the lone parishioner at the conclusion. “Well, Pastor, if only one cow showed up I wouldn’t have given her all the feed.”
•During a children’s sermon, a pastor asked the children what “Amen” means. A little boy raised his hand and said: “It means tha-tha-tha-that’s all folks!”
•A student was asked to list the Ten Commandments in any order. His answer? “3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7.”
•Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip, tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son, Jeffy, said, “Daddy, how do you know what to draw?” I said, “God tells me.” Jeffy said, “Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?”
•After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.” “Well, thank you,” the pastor replied, “but why?” “Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had.”
•My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” she replied. “Just say what you hear mommy say,” my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”