From ‘Back In The Day’

by Curt Kovener 

Way back in the day my friends(?) would mail me some cartoons and jokes. Later when I became technologically advanced(?), they would fax me some mirth and merriment. (Some of it was off-color… it was some of the more humorous stuff.)

Now that we all are on-line (including my Momma) I get a bunch of jokes, cartoons and day lifters…even from my Momma… and some from friends, some from people I don’t even know.

So here is some from the archive:

•Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

•Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

•How is it possible to have a civil war?

•If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

•If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

•If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

•If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

•If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

•If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

•If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

•Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

•Where are we going? And what’s with this handbasket?

•Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

•If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?

•The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

•I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

It’s a good thing that we aren’t awake and aware during surgery. If we were we might hear are some things we wouldn’t want to:

•Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.

•Someone call the janitor…we’re going to need a bigger mop.

•Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!!

•Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what’s that?

•Oops. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

•Could you stop that machine from beeping; it’s throwing my concentration off.

•I hate it when they’re missing stuff in here.

•That’s cool! Now, can you make his leg twitch?!

•What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change?

•This patient has already had some kids, right?

Remember “If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can’t, you’re right!”