Don’t Blame Me, Life Made Me That Way

by Curt Kovener

Many readers of this column may be acquainted with ‘Maxine’ the greeting card and internet character who is plain spoken and cynically pragmatic in her comments. Hmmm… sort of like newspaper people.

Such is the genre of life-isms collected for this week.

•We have enough ‘youth’. How about a fountain of ‘smart’?

•The original point and click interface was a Colt 45.

•A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.

•Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

•If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

•We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

•Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

•Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

•Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to make reproductive organs.

•Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

•The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

•I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.

•To be a successful politician remember: It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.

•The reason Congressmen & Senators try so hard to get re-elected is that they don’t want to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.