Biting The Hand That Feeds Us

by Curt Kovener

We’ve passed along the funny mistakes of newspaper stories and headlines. We’ve passed along the humorous errors of church bulletin bloopers.
So maybe it is time to be equal opportunity and poke fun at the people who help pay our bills: advertisers.
These were found in newspapers ads but we are not so sure what was written was what was meant.
•Illiterate? Write today for free help.
•Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere else again.
•Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included.
•Stock up and save. Limit: one.
•Semi-annual After-Christmas sale.
•Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
•Dinner special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
•Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home.
•For sale: Three canaries of undermined sex.
•Great dames for sale.
•Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
•Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
•Vacation special: have your home exterminated.
•Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
•Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
•For rent: 6-room hated apartment.
•Work Wanted: Man, honest. Will take anything.
•Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.
•Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard to find person.
•Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
•Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
•Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
•Wanted: Widower with school age children requires person assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
•And now, the Superstore—unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.