It’s AAADD & It’s Coming For You!

by Curt Kovener

(This is an encore column from the Curt Comments archives.)
It’s called Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. And here is how it affects you.
I recently decided to water the outdoor potted flowers. As I unreeled the hose, I look over at my mini SUV and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage for a bucket & sponge, I noticed that there is mail on the porch table that I brought from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table and notice that the trash can is full.
So I put the bills back on the table and take out the trash. But then I think that I will be near the mailbox when I take out the trash, I may as well pay those bills first.
I take my checkbook out of the drawer and see that there is only one check left. The extra checks are in the secured fireproof safe so I go into the office to get them. When I do, I discover the can of soda pop I had been drinking.
I’m going to look for my checks but I need to push the soft drink aside so I don’t accidentally knock it over. I notice the soft drink is getting warm and decide to put it in the refrigerator.
When I head to the kitchen, a vase of flowers catches my eye—they are beginning to droop and need to be watered.
I set the soft drink on the counter, and discovered my reading glasses that I had been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers.
I set my glasses back down on the counter, start to fill the vase with water when I suddenly spot the TV remote. I must have left it on the kitchen table.
I realize tonight when we want to watch TV I will be looking for the remote but won’t remember that it is on the kitchen table so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs. But first I must water the flowers. I pour some water into the vase but some of it spills onto the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day, the car is not washed, the bills aren’t paid, there is a warm can of pop sitting on the counter, the flowers don’t have enough water, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can’t find the TV remote, I can’t find my glasses, and I don’t remember what I did with my car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I was busy all day long and I’m really tired.
Now I realize that this age related mentall condition is a serious matter and I’ll try to get some advice and maybe a prescription from my physician. I go to call my family doctor but can’t find his phone number. Which is okay because I can’t find my cellphone either.
Don’t laugh…if this isn’t you, brothers and sisters, your day is coming!