Signs, Signs, Everywhere There’s Signs

by Curt Kovener

Back in the day (and I think the day was around 1971) a group of Canadian musicians called ‘Five Man Electrical Band’ charted a song named “Signs”. It was a rebellious sort of song blasting being told what to do…”do this, don’t do that. Can’t you read the signs?”
They were not singing about astrological signs or moon signs for planting.
The signs I enjoy reading these days are those changeable, thought provoking, frequently humorous observations on the human condition.
So if you have the authority over a changeable sign (or even if you do not) feel free to borrow any of these just as I did.
•I childproofed my house but my kids still get in.
•When in doubt, mumble.
•Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
•If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.
•The first five days after a weekend are the hardest.
•Ban shredded cheese; Make America Grate Again!
•They’re not going to make yardsticks any longer.
•Practice safe eating; always use condiments.
•If you think education is costly, try ignorance.
•I checked into the Hokey Pokey Clinic & I turned myself around.
•What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
•This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
•I want to grow my own food but I can’t find bacon seeds.
•If your car is running, I’m voting for it.
•I went to the air & space museum but nothing was there.
•My wife said I never listen to her, or something like that.
•Frog parking only, all others will be toad.
•I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
•You’re the “She” to my nanigans.
•3 things that never lie: children, drunks, & Yoga pants.
•Count your blessings, not your problems.