Is That REALLY What They Meant?

by Curt Kovener

Newspaper headlines are meant to sell the story and prompt the reader to read it. If they can be they should be witty, creative, perhaps punny but above all truthful & accurate.
But sometimes in our quest to get you to read our story, headline writers try to sell you on reading the story but on second look, you have to wonder what they were thinking…if they were at all.
Here are some examples of editors getting caught with their headlines down; a bold-face botch with a red-face result.
•Grandmother Of 8 Makes Hole In One
•Veterinarian Testifies in Horse Suit
•Two Convicts Evade The Gallows; Jury Hung
•County Officials Talk Rubbish
•New Housing For Elderly Not Yet Dead
•Farmer Bill Dies In House
•Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
•Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped (they were referring to the ship…I hope)
•Women’s Movement Called More Broad-Based
•Antique Stripper To Display Wares At Store
•Meat Head Fights Hike In Minimum Pay
•City May Impose Mandatory Time For Prostitution (are we talking about employee benefits?)
•Stud Tires Out
•Planned Parenthood Looking For Volunteers
•Child’s Stool Great For Use In Garden
•Judge To Rule On Nude beach
•Police Help Dog Bite Victim
•Dealers Will Hear Car Talk Friday
•Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
•Miners Refuse To Work After Death
•Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
•2 Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
•Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 years
And in the painfully obvious department:
•Expert Says Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash
•Foul Play Suspected in Death Of Man Found Bound & Hanged
•Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn’t Seen In Years
•Local Couple Found Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
•U.S. High Schools Require Some Study For Graduation