That Fine Line Between Wise & Wise Acre

by Curt Kovener

(While the editor is working off too much holiday turkey, we reached into the Curt Comments archive for a repeat performance of this week’s column.)
Aphorism is a short, pointed sentence that expresses a wise or clever observation or a general truth. But sometimes it oversteps and one is viewed as a smart aleck.
•The nicest thing about the future is… it always starts tomorrow.
•Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
•If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
•Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
•A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
•How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
•Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
•Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
•Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
•No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
•There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
•There are worse things than getting a call at 4 a.m. that’s a wrong number. It could be the right number.
•No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.
•I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap.
•Be careful about reading the fine print… there’s no way you’re going to like it.
•The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
•Do you realize that, in about 30 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos and a perky chest?
•After 60, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you’re probably dead.
•Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind… and the ones that mind don’t matter.
•Life isn’t tied with a bow but it’s still a gift.
•Politicians and diapers should be changed often and for the same reason.
•The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.