Words We Weren’t Taught But Learned Anyway

by Curt Kovener

Vocabulary was a sub-subject of high school English that Mrs. Lewis always stressed. There was a very thick dictionary in her room that we were encouraged to use.

Today, there is online Wikopedia for word definitions since we all seem to be wired to our computers.

But the following vocabulary words and phrases may have come from ‘Wacko-pedia.’

Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

Synonym: A word used in place of the one you can’t spell.

Money can’t buy happiness: a phrase used by most of us to help curb our jealousy of the rich.

Feet: A device used for finding Legos® in the dark.

Irish Handcuffs: When a person is carrying an alcoholic beverage in both hands at the same time.

Web MD: Something that makes a mild cold into a deadly disease that will kill you within 24 hours.

Balanced diet: One cheeseburger in each hand.

That’s nice: A phrase to say when you are talking on the phone and you zone out in the middle of the other person’s story.

Laziness: Risking to drop everything you carry rather than walking twice.

Brain: Something we all have but most do not use…at least very well.

English: A language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages and rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary.

Best friends: The people you can get mad at only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them.

Cell phone: A device used for looking less alone while in public places by yourself.

Golf: An excuse for old fat men to say they still play a sport.

Pets: The only members of your family you really like.

Poor: When you have too much month at the end of your money.

Tomorrow: The best time to do everything you had planned for today.

Vegetarian: 1) A bad hunter. 2) Someone who survives by consuming not food but the stuff that food eats.

Single: A man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen.