Life Truths… yet another version

by Curt Kovener

In light of the constant barrage of tweets and news(?) out of Washington, perhaps we need a weekly chuckle to maintain some semblance of balance in our lives. But if you disagree, perhaps it is because you are imbalanced.

After scanning the Internet for something to take our minds off our problems (real, imagined and otherwise), here is an offering of life’s truths.

  • Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.
  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
  • One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
  • To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
  • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  • The older you get, the better you realize you were.
  • I doubt, therefore I might be.
  • Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
  • Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
  • Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
  • Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  • A fool and his money are soon partying.
  • Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
  • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  • Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
  • I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  • I intend to live forever; So far, so good.
  • Support bacteria! It’s the only culture some people have.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • When everything’s coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.