They copied all they could copy, But they couldn’t copy my mind;
And I left them sweatin’ and stealin’, A year-and-a-half behind.
– Rudyard Kipling
If I could get my membership fee back, I’d resign from the human race.
– Fred Allen
You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves.
– Michael Wilding
If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
– Anatole France
The Great Big Black Things that have loomed against the horizon of my life, threatening to devour me, simply loomed and nothing more. The things that have really made me miss my train have always been sweet, soft, pretty, pleasant things of which I was not in the least afraid.
– Elbert Hubbard
Words are loaded pistols.
– Jean-Paul Sartre
The dinosaurs’ eloquent lesson is that if some bigness is good, an overabundance of bigness is not necessarily better.
– Eric Johnston
An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
– Dylan Thomas
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
– Timothy Leary
You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
– Dolly Parton
The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning, you’re on the job.
– Lena Horne
A corporation goes through the following stages: Enthusiasm, complication, disillusionment, search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent and decoration of those who did nothing.
Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.
– Albert Einstein
Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie” until you can find a rock.
– Will Rogers
The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.
– Al Neuharth
Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.
– golfing great Chi Chi Rodriguez
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
– George Hean Nathan
Here’s to our wives and sweethearts — may they never meet.
– John Bunny
There are only two ways of telling the complete truth:
Anonymously and posthumously.
– Thomas Sowell
There is only one thing about which I am certain, and that is that is there very little about which one can be certain.
– W. Somerset Maugham
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
– Jerome K. Jerome